The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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