I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
