ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
