u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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