bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
