My nipple is on Facebook.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am naked and annoyed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
