i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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