Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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