jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
