if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
