We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
