how can u be prego again
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
