I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
