I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
