Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
