shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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