i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
