Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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