I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
