It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
