there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
