I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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