I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
