Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
