Tell her she can't have a vagina
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
