I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
