I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
