I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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