I am puke
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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