So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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