There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
