Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
