on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
