Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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