fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
