I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Actions speak louder than pants.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
