i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
