are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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