epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
