I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
