its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
