how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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