Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
