i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
