ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
