Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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