I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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