census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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