Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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