You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
people are starting to question the shark bite story
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
