Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
