I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
