addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
