Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
